Writing "Alsoomse and Wanchese" -- Editing
This past December I finished the first draft – 35 chapters
– of my Roanoke
historical novel manuscript and began the lengthy task of editing. Here is some of what I want to say about
editing.
Editing encompasses everything from placing commas correctly
to word, phrase, and sentence selection.
Narrating dialogue is much easier for me to do than narrating character
thoughts and emotions.
Initially, I edit five chapters, go back to the first
chapter, and edit the five chapters again.
Then I edit the next five chapters, go back, and edit a second
time. Ideally, the double editing makes
the writing much better. That is not
always the result. Sometimes the
revisions are not much better than the original.
I do my first writing without much regard for articulate expression. It is enough for me to get the story into
words on a sloppy disc. Thereafter, I
work mostly on expression until I feel satisfied with the result.
After the double read-through, I edit the entire manuscript without
going back. I always find original flaws
overlooked or flaws added in the previous editing. I liken this to weeding a large, overgrown
planting area. The tallest weeds have to
go first. Afterward, I am able to see
the smaller weeds. I want them to be entirely
gone after the second read-through. They
never are. Something always needs to be
improved.
After I have edited the manuscript three times, I have my
wife do a read-through. She is a
voracious reader. I trust her judgment. It is difficult judging your own work. It helps considerably to have another pair of
eyes assess it. Those eyes must,
however, belong to somebody who recognizes good writing. After my wife’s involvement, I make necessary
changes and read through the manuscript again.
I am currently double-editing chapters 21 to 25. A year has passed since I wrote those
chapters. I had forgotten several scenes. Reading them was like reading another
writer’s work. Most pleased me. Here is one such forgotten scene (edited one).
Inside,
darkness. She could see along the walls,
mostly because she was familiar with what was kept there, wooden utensils,
Machk’s bows, cutting and sharpening tools, planting and weeding poles, mortar
and pestle, scraping stones, baskets containing seeds for cattapeak planting --
dark shapes recognized by a once friend now considered a personal enemy.
It
had been the injury to Machk that had begun her and Nana’s estrangement. It
was, unmistakably, Samoset’s death that had closed all communication between
them. Until now.
Nana,
lying on her raised bed in the most distant corner of the back room, was
watching her.
“Nana!
Get up!”
Lying
on her right side, she did not stir.
“Be
useful! Keep the fire burning while Wapun pries upon oysters, while your
brother fishes to add to the pot!”
Nana
rose to a sitting position.
“You
smell! How long since you bathed? Machk and Wapun have to sleep here, also!”
“What
business is it of yours? I do not want you here.” Her tone was more factual
than emotional.
“Our
men are trained from boyhood to accept torture and flaming death without
self-pity or complaint!” Alsoomse’s demeanor was harsh. “We are taught to
accept what is not fair and to continue to perform our duties as though the
gods favor us. Get up! Be a Roanoke
woman! Samoset is not worth grieving!”
Anger
flashed in Nana’s dark eyes.
“Yes,
Samoset! He is not worthy of your grief, or whatever it is that makes you such
a lifeless coward! Get up! Get up if no
more than to hit me, you ugly, manless imitation of a woman!”
Nana
stood. “You!” She pointed. “With your deformed face!” She jabbed her
forefinger. “You brought that on yourself! Machk could have been killed! Get
out of this house!”
“No!
Not unless you take your stinking body now to the creek!”
Nana
stepped close.
“You
do not have the courage to hit me!”
Nana
swung.
Alsoomse
caught and held high Nana’s right fist. “I am still here. Try again!”
“I
hate you!”
“Of
course you do!”
Nana
yanked her right hand loose.
Alsoomse
slapped her friend’s face.
Eyes
large, Nana looked at her.
“That
is for allowing Samoset to use you!” Alsoomse slapped her with her left hand.
“That is for abandoning your friends, who did not abandon you!”
Nana
swung. Alsoomse allowed Nana’s right hand to strike her deformed cheek. Despite
herself, she winced. Pain coursed through the roots of her teeth.
Nana’s
left hand covered reflexively her nose and mouth.
“Get
it out! Get it all out,” Alsoomse exclaimed, ‘but go this time for the other
cheek!”
Staring
at her, Nana burst into tears.
I chose randomly a scene from an earlier chapter to
illustrate the kinds of changes I make during my double read-through. I have divided the scene into five parts, the
end of each part marked with asterisks. The first section within each part is
my original writing, the second section is the result of my first read-through,
and the third section is the result of my second read-through.
According to Osacan, Nana had
explained, Nootau had fallen in love with a Choanoac girl. Odina had looked
across the indoor fire at Mushaniq, seated on a mat beside Sokanon. She is
jealous, Alsoomse had concluded, as jealous as me. Sokanon had found her man!
At Croatoan. She had found a face full of pain.
According to Osacan, Nana had explained, Nootau
had fallen in love with a Choanoac girl. Odina had looked across the indoor
fire at Mushaniq, seated on a mat beside Sokanon. She is jealous, Alsoomse had
thought, as jealous as me. Sokanon had found her man! At Croatoan. She had
found a face full of pain.
“Osacan
said Nootau fell in love with a Choanoac girl,” Nana had explained in
Sooleawa’s longhouse. Odina had looked then across the indoor fire at Mushaniq,
seated beside Sokanon. Odina is envious, Alsoomse had recognized, jealous as I
am, that Sokanon found her man! Where I found a face full of pain!
***
She would have to be fair-minded.
Careful. She had lost – she hoped temporarily -- one best friend. Her other
best friend, Odina, seemed uncertain how to relate to her. Sokanon’s good
fortune and her misfortune were not her cousin’s fault. Sokanon was a far
better cousin than she deserved. She wanted to speak her feelings, her
thoughts!
“Will you tell us stories any
more?” Pules had asked. “Not … yet” was all she had been able to answer.
She
would have to be fair-minded. And careful. She had lost – temporarily, she
hoped -- a best friend, Nana. Odina seemed uncertain how to relate to her.
Sokanon’s good fortune and her misfortune were not her cousin’s fault. Sokanon
was a far better cousin than she deserved. She wanted desperately to speak what
she thought and felt!
“Will
you tell us stories any more?” Pules had asked. “Not … yet” was all she had
been able to answer.
She
had also recognized that she needed to be fair-minded. And careful. Nana now
disliked her. Odina seemed uncertain how to relate to her. Her particular
misfortune had been nobody’s fault but her own. How despicable that she should
begrudge Sokanon’s good fortune! Sokanon was a far better cousin than she
deserved! She wanted desperately to speak what she thought and felt!
“Will
you tell us stories any more?” Pules had asked.
“Not
… yet” had been all she had been able to answer.
***
Sokanon had spoken privately to her
mother before Alsoomse and the others had entered Sooleawa’s house, having gone
first to Odina’s house. During the conversations that had crossed the fire pit
Alsoomse had observed closely her taciturn aunt. Sooleawa had always treated
Alsoomse distantly. Her disapproval had increased after Nadie’s death. At times
Aunt Sooleawa had been somewhat distant toward her own daughter. Alsoomse had
thought perhaps that such behavior at certain stages of a mother/daughter
relationship was normal. This evening Sooleawa was joyous.
Sokanon
had spoken privately to her mother before Alsoomse and the others had entered
Sooleawa’s house, having gone first to Odina’s. During the conversations that
had crossed the fire pit Alsoomse had observed closely her taciturn aunt.
Sooleawa had always treated Alsoomse distantly. Her disapproval had increased
after Nadie’s death. At times Aunt Sooleawa had been somewhat distant toward
Sokanon. Alsoomse had thought perhaps that such behavior was normal at certain
stages of every mother/daughter relationship. This evening Sooleawa had been
joyous.
Sokanon
had spoken privately to her mother before Alsoomse and the others had entered
Sooleawa’s house, having gone first to Odina’s. During the conversations that
had crossed the fire pit Alsoomse had observed closely her taciturn aunt.
Sooleawa had always treated Alsoomse distantly. Her disapproval had increased
after Nadie’s death. At times Aunt Sooleawa had been somewhat distant toward
Sokanon. Alsoomse had thought perhaps that such behavior was normal at certain
stages of every mother/daughter relationship. This evening Sooleawa had been
joyous.
***
As for her own return, only Wapun
and Pules seemed pleased to see her.
Alsoomse thought perhaps because
she could not talk nobody wished to ask her questions. Without being conscious
of it they had been excluding her from their conversations. She could
understand why Machk did not want to provide details about his injury and its
reason. No doubt Sokanon wanted to avoid doing so, also. Talk, therefore, had
coalesced on one subject: how had Sokanon and Mushaniq met and how long did Mushaniq
intend to remain at Roanoke.”Indefinitely,”
he had answered, bringing color to Sokanon’s cheeks.
As
for her own return, only Wapun and Pules seemed pleased to have her.
Perhaps
because she could not talk, nobody wanted to ask her questions. Consequently,
they were excluding her from their conversations. She could understand why
Machk did not want to provide details about his injury. Sokanon wound not have
wanted to speak about it, also. Talk, therefore, had coalesced on one subject:
how had Sokanon and Mushaniq met and how long did Mushaniq intend to remain at Roanoke. ”Indefinitely,”
he had answered, bringing color to Sokanon’s cheeks.
As
for her return, only Wapun and Pules seemed pleased to see her.
Perhaps
because she could not talk, nobody wanted to ask her questions. Therefore, they
were excluding her from their conversations. She could understand why Machk did
not want to provide details about his injury. Sokanon would not have wanted to
speak about either injury. Talk, not surprisingly, had coalesced on one
subject: how had Sokanon and Mushaniq met and how long did Mushaniq intend to
stay? ”Indefinitely,” he had answered, bringing color to Sokanon’s cheeks.
***
Alsoomse’s moroseness was sundered
by Tihkoosue’s sudden entrance. Seeing her, he froze. Recovering, he took two
steps toward her, knelt on one knee, extended tentatively his right arm. His
face contorted. He touched her left shoulder.
“I have missed you so much!”
Their liquid eyes communicated.
Alsoomse patted the vacant space
beside her.
Noise
came suddenly from outside. Tihkoosue burst into the room. Seeing Alsoomse, he
froze. Recovering, he took two steps toward her, knelt on one knee, tentatively
extended his right arm. His face contorted. He touched her left shoulder.
“I
have missed you so much!”
Their
liquid eyes communicated.
Alsoomse
patted the vacant space beside her.
Noise
came suddenly from outside. Tihkoosue burst into the room. Seeing Alsoomse, he
froze. Recovering, he took two steps toward her, knelt on one knee, tentatively
extended his right arm. His face contorted. He touched her left shoulder.
“I
have missed you so much!”
Their
liquid eyes communicated.
Alsoomse
patted the vacant mat beside her.
***
I am not pleased with some of my changes. I hope my single read-through beginning
probably next month will produce better results.